The One With The Past.

Part of me wants to shut the computer down and go home. The other asks me to log on to WordPress.
I did the latter.
I know I have not written in a while. and I’ve missed writing.
So much so that it bothered me.

Because I remember, that I used to be this really expressive person who was always writing about things that go on in my head.
I knew I wasn’t so much of a writer. But knowing that what I did or what I’ve gone through everyday are penned down gave me the ease of mind noone could imagine.
Be it when I’m happy, sad, angry or depressed, most of it will go into my blog.
Blog was my best ‘person’ to ‘talk to’. and when I say ‘talk to’, I MEAN talk to. My posts would always contain ‘specifics’ that if people who knew the existence of my blog read them, they will know everything.
So, imagine if that one day I am mad at someone, rest assured that they will know about it the day after. =|

People who know me well before 2007 would know that I’m not so much of a talker.
I’m not the kind of person who can meet someone for one day and can go on talking like we have been best friends for two years. And since I’m really a quiet person and never really had the guts to talk face to face when people do things that I don’t like, I’ll write about it. Mean, uh? I know.
I was also the kind of person who was hard to get into. Only few people managed to break through my wall.
Go ask my friends if they know about my family at all. Only few would.

Dec ’06.
INTEC ended. It was the happiest day of my life.

2007 saw my life at a whole new stage.
New characters.
New props.
New costume.
Hoping that 2007 will be my year.
Things did not turn out as expected at first, but I settled in.
But the journey was not like a bed of roses as I was expecting. I was further challenged.
Conflicts came one after another.
Here is the twist: In spite of the conflicts however, I met a whole new actors who guided me through this play. Hence, the emotional roller-coaster ride that I always have when faced with difficulties is kept at bay. These actors made me realised that, in this play, I’ve got a Director/Producer to be obeyed. Only He tells me what I can and cannot do. Plus, I was also ‘given’ a manuscript that has been passed on from generations before, that if I memorised and act on the guidelines in the manuscript, OUR play would turn out great.

4:82. Then do they not reflect upon the Qur’an? If it had been from [any] other than Allah, they would have found within it much contradiction.

These actors also remind me that we are like farmers. This play is merely a place where you grow crops only to be harvested when the play ends which is when each of us would get our review.

6: 32. And the worldly life is not but amusement and diversion; but the home of the Hereafter is best for those who fear Allah, so will you not reason?

3: 185. Every soul will taste death, and you will only be given your [full] compensation on the Day of Resurrection. So he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has attained [his desire]. And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion.

And we actors are a family and we love each other dearly.

Narrated Anas: Allah’s Messenger said, “No one of you becomes true believer until he likes for his brother what he likes for himself.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Believe it or not, over time, the wall that I’ve been building in between people and myself, started to lower itself.
and people now start to think that I’m the youngest in the family (???). (Read: I’m the eldest, tq).
Thus, I write a lot less.

2007 passed, and now I’m writing this.
LONG post like I’ve been yearning.
before typing this down, I went over a few things that I have written in the past.
the unpublished posts, the drafts.
and reading them again made me realised something.
I realised that my writing has taken a 180 degree turn. A good turn (non-vocab&grammar wise).
To my surprise, few and almost to none is there a post that has been written when I felt angry. and no more do I write like I’m ‘talking to someone’ into my blog.

I think the reason is because I have already found someOne who will always be there when I’m inneed.
=)

6:162. Say, “Indeed, my prayer, my rites of sacrifice, my living and my dying are for Allah, Lord of the worlds.

9 129. But if they turn away, [O Muhammad], say, “Sufficient for me is Allah; there is no deity except Him. On Him I have relied, and He is the Lord of the Great Throne.”

67:13 Whether you keep your utterances secret, or declare them, He is fully aware of the innermost thoughts.

13: 28.Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured.”